Once again Jackie had gathered her troops (husband Tom and daughter Loretta) and marshaled them through the countryside on a forced “vacation”. This time our final destination did not include a stay in a tree house in the hippie dippie wilds of the Monterey, CA peninsula, without cell service or TV, but a four star “resort” where the deer and antelope roam in western Montana.

My wife loves to hike. She and her friend Pam have surfed (pounded?) the skree amongst the Cascades, the lava flows of Hawaii, the smelly alleys of SOHO and the boutique-lined Champs-Elysées. Unless there are serious food opportunities I usually decline to participate. I don’t consider a homemade picnic, no matter how good, a reason to traverse the slopes of Mt. St. Helens.

The online reviews of Paws Up were very favorable, and I was excited by the prospect of phone service and 1000 channel satellite tv. (I did watch three hours of a live video heifer and steer auction while spending quality time with my daughter). And then there was the Meal Plan. Because of the remote location, with 20 miles between us and the nearest restaurant, we opted for the expensive plan, but we thought it a necessary evil of four days staying in the same joint.

We knew we were in trouble when we arrived on Wednesday and trotted down to the restaurant for Barbeque Night with thoughts of local Montana beef and fat chickens sizzling on the outdoor grills. Alas, we were faced with a lukewarm and sorely depleted buffet line. What a missed opportunity for their chefs to interact with the guests and create some needed energy.

Pomp, the name of their fine dining room, should have been my first clue of trouble. Jackie being the fly fishing type was sure there would be trout on the menu, but instead we were greeted with New Zealand farm-raised salmon “flown in fresh” by FedEx. There was a bison rib steak but the preparation was out of a food horror flick. Here’s a description of my duck dish — one of the five or six entrees (not, mind you, a three-course meal, but all in one dish!) available during our stay as it reads on the menu:

“Grimaud farms Muscovy duck breast, Okinawa sweet potatoes, Romanesco cauliflower, white chive and Enoki mushroom salad, crimson grapes, almond milk, ‘Strong Arm’ chocolate ganache (literally a full scoop), and finished with vanilla caramel corn”

Call me crazy but I thought we were in the Outback of Montana, not a bad Dallas hotel. Lunch was no better and, frankly, we never felt the need to wake up early enough for breakfast service. Let’s just say we put a few more miles on the Chevy and cut our losses on the meal plan.

A few cool joints we found ~

Lindy’s in Seeley Lake — Tough sirloin, tender sirloin (for a dollar more) or chop sirloin make up the entire menu.

Trixies, 20 miles east of Paws UP on rt. 200 for burgers and beer.

Two Sisters in St. Mary for fried chicken and huckleberry pie

Cheers – Tom Douglas & Jackie Cross